Lux Aeterna

Life is confusing and hard to embark upon. How does any one really ever know anything about their life, they don't, there is no control over the horrors and hurts, the loves and laughs, or the dreams and wishes. I wish it was just that simple that we could all run around exclaiming inspirational quotes and life would be great. ":Live Live Laugh" is one that seems to follow me, not to sound pessimistic or negative but the people that say that are all hypocrites... nobody (at least the people i am talking about) do that. They are petty and find problems with everything. Their homes are perfectly decorated and have little inspirations everywhere but inside they are broken. They fill emotional voids with the buying of furniture and decorations and clothing, the more the buy, the more they cover it up. I am someone who does not keep things inside very well, true there are things i bottle up but it literally tears me apart to do that, i will forever be honest and open about my emotions. These people don't realize how much it hurts to be on the end of their bottled up emotions. They judge, the discriminate, they are in opposition to everything me... i am the black spot in their lives. I will also admit to being a drama queen so this may be exaggerated but they are very good at making it feel that way, how do you really know without having a confrontation, you don't. What is even more stupid is i don't know how many times i can sit here and complain about this, i have talked to him probably four times, my mother once, my friends, my journal and now i'm writing it here. I just don't know how to fix this feeling. Wow i wonder if this paragraph could have been anymore cryptic, but no worries, nobody reads this so no problems. I am an awful person for writing this. Im just so swept up in everything... i'm just so absorbed in everything...maybe i am an awful person. I judge, i criticize, im rotten, im a jerk, im possessive, i am dramatic. who could love that...i wouldnt even want to be near that...
I feel like its going to be said this summer... i just can not hold it in any longer, it slowly destroys me from the inside out. But once it is, everything changes... life changes, the world, at least my world, changes, for better or for worse it has to come out (look another one of those cliches). Because right now...i'm not happy, well i am happy but only about 50 % of the time, the rest i am being tormented and i feel all teen angst-y. And i don't enjoy feeling teen angst-y, because contrary to some peoples beliefs i am an incredibly happy person, i just care too much... way too much, who knew caring could be such a handicap. No Worries Love

You killed the dog....again

I got a 100 on the torque quiz!!!!!!!
















the enthusiasm just overwhelmed me :)

Wingardium Leviosa

      Oh my my how time flies. I honestly thought that it had been about a week since i last posted. So there for i was surprised that my lovely computer stated no in fact it had been over a month! How is that that you can get something mixed up like that.
      
      I am super excited for this week to go by! Thursday of this week i am going to be missing half of school to be taped for a WMHT Christmas special! Singing only the worst Christmas songs known to man, oh not to mention in our brand new run of the mill boring dull black dresses..........cheers. Really gets you in the Christmas spirit that does. Then friday after school i am rushing over to the cinemas to see.... thats right HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HOLLOWS: PART 1!!!!!!!!!! the excitement is over whelming. Would you like to know what i hate? i hate people who don't read the books and say they are huge fans, i hate people who have read the books once and say they know everything, i hate the people that only see the movies and think harry potter is awesome because of the movies.....i could go on for a very long time. Everybody move aside for the true lovers, the people who have read the books oh i don't know 12 times... and know probably anything you could ask then besides a few names because well i am horrible with names. These are the people that dress up for harry potter parties and know the real story not the one hollywood made up for, no reason that i can see. Anyways so after that i guess i'm going over to renee's house? I'm not so happy about that one but...nothing i can do. Saturday we leave for BOSTON to see Harry Potter on a giant Imax with my dear aunt :) coming home sunday i expect to cram some homework and practice practice practice!!! for my drivers test monday morning! one more day of school and i leave for NYC! for thanskgiving and as a gift to my grandparents for their 50th anniversary. They have been to new york and i even though i plan to spend a  insane amount of time finding the perfect piece of pizza or the most heavenly slice of cheesecake in new york(and surrounding areas) i am really looking forward to showing my grandparents the amazing place they are going to. I love sharing my ideas and thoughts and i cant wait to see their expressions, my gramma may act calm but i know that inside she is amazed with everything she is seeing or experiencing. I go straight into belling ringing and possibly a (real) shopping date with ryan that sunday. And ill be able to drive us there! ahh excitement for the next few weeks! From there on its a straight shot to Christmas! 41 days by the way :)

I love enya and sleep so i am going to take this opportunity to indulge in both, after the warm pumpkin bread pudding with hot caramel sauce and freshly whipped cream i happened across earlier i am content and sleep is in my eyes. Good Night Love

my head and my heart

Sorry it has been so long! i convinced my self it took too much time to blog my life away but i decided that was stupid and that i need a way to vent so with the family, however small it may be, i have here i shall vent. I could be one of those people that writes a half message on facebook that sounds emo, depressed and dramatic or i can explain my life in full here. to say i am stressed is an understatement. The main stress in my life is not ap physics or apush or volunteering or work or anything of that nature. No my stress is the kind of drama that you would find in a high school girl's life, the she does this he does that they say this kind of drama. Trust me i hate it but i cant help what im feeling. How do i explain that i am literally eaten inside every time i see a stupid homecoming picture or every time i do not get the text to make plans to go to the mall. stupid i know but this involves my best friend and i know it wouldn't bother me if it was elior or felicia or renee or someone good but to have him tell me...."im kinda friends with her" a her that shall remained unnamed even though the only person that reads this knows who this is. For my best friend to make plans without me, granted they didnt go through, with this girl drives me up a wall, the jealousy drives me mad and i find it hard to function. Only when speaking of her. I see why he could be friends with her i mean she doesnt speak over his head about topics he doesnt know because well theres not one intelligent thing that comes from her mouth and she exclaims things like women shouldnt be allowed to be surgeonss and like like like like sorry like she was like totally amazing and like like and she also things such as dont you love the feeling you get when everybdy knows your wearing expensive clothing? i mean on some level i believe my friend is a tad shallow but for him to start a friendship with her just drives me crazy... i know it shouldn't and i know i cant do anything but i cant deal with all of the built up anger it gives me... my stomach feels like an endless pit my head tells me dont think about it....

Doodle-y doo doodle-y doo

Im going to Boston! i might as well just live in Boston because i love it so much, water, academics, culture, architecture. My my what can i say it is my haven. I wish to go to a university there and my aunt lives there so im all about covered. I am going to go and spend a week or two there with my aunt! and she works everyday so i am going to eat at little corner cafes, people watch and discover fascinating thrift stores to sort through. Im so excited i positively can not wait... Well thats my story, whats yours?

Death

When death comes upon us we cower. This is the natural response. But when death is thrust upon us we burst. We melt into pity and emotion and we feel such pain that no person should have to endure. I don't feel that i will ever return. call me dramatic, call me dumb but i cannot see the good in anything right now. I feel that i may never recover.

Na nananana na na na nanana

I do promise to post a blog as soon as life stops spinning vividly around me!!! oh and i got a hundred on ma examen du francais! (french speaking regents) thats all i have for this moment in time! maybe soemthing new in this one? nope okay ta ta!